Friday, December 8, 2006


"I like cigarettes. I like to think of fire held in a man's hand. Fire, a dangerous force, tamed at his fingertips. I often wonder about the hours when a man sits alone, watching the smoke of a cigarette, thinking. I wonder what great things have come from such hours.

When a man thinks, there is a spot of fire alive in his mind and it is proper that he should have the burning point of a cigarette as his one expression."

- Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.

Of older brothers and younger sisters…

My cousin brother (not much more than a year older than me) happened to be visiting my family yesterday. I love this guy. He’s smart, intelligent, and ambitious, focused, completed his studies and now landed a great job (just bought himself a thunderbird). To add to the list, he’s charming (in a weird sort of way), great talker (translates as good with girls), has his own fan following and knows how to blow his money and have a good time. In short I’m quite proud to be his younger (cousin) sister. Pity is that he is considered quite the odd one out in our “sober” family.

Now as life would have it, I have a younger sister (8 years age difference between us). And having lived with her all her life (16 crazy years), I have always wished I had an older sibling, preferably a brother, who would stand up for me and would pamper me and spoil me. But a day spent with my older cousin sure made me evaluate my ideas.

Brothers have this inherent way of being over protective about their little sisters. I’m not saying that this is wrong, but when you are used to living your own life and making your own decisions, sometimes it gets a little frustrating when you have to deal with others deciding what is the best thing for you and how everything that you are now doing seems like a mistake. Add to this the whole ‘male’ point of view, and you just wish you could clobber him on the head and remind him that life on this planet is not the same for both the sexes. Anyways I still love my bro a lot, but a day I spent with him has made me more thankful for my little sister.

Even though me and my sis are as different as chalk and cheese, and we spend more than 80% of our time together pulling each others hair out and researching new techniques to getting the other into trouble, one thing that stays constant is how much she means to me. My sister is my rock. No matter whether she agrees with the things I do or not, I know that she’ll always be my best friend and my life jacket in the deepest sea. As much as she has her own individual opinions (and some objections) about the way I live my life, she has the understanding to let me live my own life.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Dream Jobs

For all you folks who don’t know me, I am a decently intelligent girl who has completed her MSc in Life Sciences (apparently one of the booming fields in India). Following which I went ahead and acquired a 2 yr research experience in my field. I did eventually quit my job to pursue a PhD in the same subject. Since the past 1 year that I have quit my job I have registered myself in Naukri, Monster, TimesJobs and many other such sites in search of a job. These sites generally promise to get you your dream job but all I had asked for is a job Pt/Ft in my field which will let me earn enough, so that I don’t have to run to my parents for my phone and petrol bills. Forget the dream job, the only calls I get are from placement agencies who ask you to pay a fee to register with them (and no guarantees of a job even after that).

The last few days I have been helping a friend of mine to find a job (because he is in desperate need of one). I had expected it to be a tough call as he is still an undergraduate (with 3 yrs experience in the BPO industry). But no sooner had I uploaded his resume, calls start pouring in. He has been on the phone all day giving telephonic interviews and making appointments. (Result – I get abused for making his life so hectic). Anyways, its just been 2 days and the best job he has been offered pays him 22,000 per month (not including incentives and benefits) and he’s still giving interviews with some of the top institutions in India for a better job.

As a consequence, I have spent the last few days re-evaluating the merits of a good educational qualification. How much of a role does your qualification play in getting you a stable career and a good salary? Sadly I don’t seem to be the only one with this plight. I know other well qualified graduates and post graduates who passed college with me working in organizations for an 8,000 – 10,000 per month salary, that is, if they are lucky. Others are as unemployed as me (you should be able to find us on the Graduated and Bekaar community on Orkut). Still thinking about such matters and more. But till then the only thought that resonates in my mind are the words of my friend saying that “Maybe we ARE just overqualified for a Dream Job”.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Do YOU believe in GOD?

“Do you believe in God?

No? Neither do I.

But that’s a favorite question of mine. If I asked people if they believed in life, they would never understand what I meant. It’s a bad question. It can mean so much that it really means nothing. So I ask them if they believe in God. And if they say they do – then I know that they don’t believe in life.

Because, you see, God – whatever anyone chooses to call God- is one’s highest conception of the highest possible. And whoever places his highest conception above his own possibility thinks very little of himself and his life. It’s a rare gift to feel reverence for your own life and to want the best, the greatest, the highest possible, here, now, for your very own. To imagine a heaven and then not to dream of it, but to demand it.”

From the book “We the living” by Ayn Rand


A couple of days back my best of friends cornered me so that they could have an important conversation with me.

Topic – I need to see a Shrink

Reason – They believe that I am exhibiting symptoms of clinical depression.

Theory put forth as explanation
1. I have always been a very lively person who hardly seemed to be upset by life.
2. Even if I tend to get a little low it is generally just a cry for attention.
3. I have always talked freely about all my problems with friends; suddenly nobody seems to know what’s going on in my life.
4. Conversations on the phone with me are a drag where I answer in monosyllables and I’m so glum that I tend to suck out the excitement out of people’s life leaving them feeling sad and forlorn after talking to me.
5. I have stopped going out, doing things that I enjoy. Basically have started living a dull and dreary life.

Life has been a little difficult and I am having a tough time coping up with it. But the important part is that I haven’t given up. While I strive to deal with the complications in my life I have decided to start writing.
With this I hope to spice up my boring life, put my friends’ mind at ease and share some of my thoughts with whoever other than my friends are interested in what I write.

The Beach

I stood facing the clear blue sea
Its waves lapping against my knee
Stretching to infinity ahead of me lie
A vast expanse of a deep blue sky
Blotted by cotton puffs of clouds
While into my mind thoughts did crowd
Soft sand slipping under my feet
Making me lose touch with reality
And as I felt the breeze in my hair
Its turmoil I too did share
The salt spray my face did seek
Chasing my tears down my cheek
And around me the roar of the sea
Echoed the pandemonium in me
Magnifying that beauty of that red sunset
And the peace at that beach which I never felt.

Unimportance of suffering

"I knew that pain is to be fought and thrown aside, not to be accepted as a part of one's soul and as a permanent scar across one's existence"

- Ayn Rand in Atlas Shrugged